RELATIONSHIPS: December seeks May for romance

I have a confession to make: I've been extremely judgmental of gay couples with a huge age disparity.

I've often seen a guy in his 40s or 50s with a boyfriend in his 20s and thought their coupling was the manifestation of one psychological complex or another. You know the textbook cases --  the older man has a "daddy" complex and wants someone young to idolize him or to control; the younger guy seeks a loving replacement for a distant father or someone established and richer to take care of him.

The sexual appeal of Mr. May's dewy, taut flesh and Energizer Bunny stamina was another obvious attraction I identified for Mr. December. (I'm so wise and generous).

And yes, I've considered they could be in love. I'm not so jaded that I ruled it out altogether. I just thought it highly unlikely.

But today I pressed pause on "What's Love Got To Do With It?"

It dawned on me as I was driving home from my Spanish lesson that a huge part of the appeal of May-December relationships for older guys could be this idea of a romantic love.

THE LIFE: Single men and self-love



Steven Bereznai

Remember when being a single, gay man was more fabulous than freakish? It can and should be again, according to author Steven Bereznai.

A friend recently handed me a copy of Steven’s book, “Gay and Single … Forever? 10 Things Every Gay Guy Looking for Love (and Not Finding It) Needs To Know.”  I must admit that as a single man I was initially wary of reading another “self-help” book or magazine article on the right way to meet the right guy.

But my curiosity won out. It helped that Steven’s title has 10 things to know rather than do. It didn’t seem exhausting to read.

While reading I was fascinated by the honesty with which Steven wrote about his own journey, the research he did into the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) subculture and the historical component.

Finishing the book was the equivalent to exhaling after holding my breath for what seemed like years. I began to relax about being unattached today, tomorrow and possibly forever.

Here,  as the first guest on THE WILL DEAN SHOW, Steven shares insights on how being gay and single is a good thing.

WDS: Has embracing the "gay and single" status as a good thing, as your book suggests, changed what you think about the battle for full marriage rights for gay men and lesbians?

SB: I've always been in favor of equal marriage rights because it raises our legal status overall. The down side unfortunately, which I cover in the book, is that the more accepting everyone is of gays and lesbians, the more they put the same pressure on us to follow the same path of life, and believe there's something wrong with those of us who are single, regardless of sexual orientation. That was one of the interesting things about talking to gays who were part of the so-called "golden age of promiscuity" in the 70s. Gays were still looking for partners, but no one ever asked "why" are you single? Coupledom wasn't expected, and that takes so much pressure off of us singles.