RELATIONSHIPS: December seeks May for romance

I have a confession to make: I've been extremely judgmental of gay couples with a huge age disparity.

I've often seen a guy in his 40s or 50s with a boyfriend in his 20s and thought their coupling was the manifestation of one psychological complex or another. You know the textbook cases --  the older man has a "daddy" complex and wants someone young to idolize him or to control; the younger guy seeks a loving replacement for a distant father or someone established and richer to take care of him.

The sexual appeal of Mr. May's dewy, taut flesh and Energizer Bunny stamina was another obvious attraction I identified for Mr. December. (I'm so wise and generous).

And yes, I've considered they could be in love. I'm not so jaded that I ruled it out altogether. I just thought it highly unlikely.

But today I pressed pause on "What's Love Got To Do With It?"

It dawned on me as I was driving home from my Spanish lesson that a huge part of the appeal of May-December relationships for older guys could be this idea of a romantic love.

I've met more than a few middle-aged men who say they want a relationship but they're having fun until they meet "the one," courtesy of a lightning bolt moment or drop-in from The Weather Girls. For many "having fun" means having sex as often as possible with any number of partners.

A smart, sexy guy recently told me that I'm not going to be attractive forever, indicating I should get busy while the getting is good. I couldn't help but to imagine all of us 40-something Pac-Men running around gobbling up sex partners, accumulating points to fend off regretful old age. I've heard games like Pac-Man can be addictive and addictions distort reality.  (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having a lot of sex; I'm setting you up for a point I hope to make.)

Or maybe we'll have so much sex that we'll completely satisfy the desire for it before we end up in the inevitable sexless marriage.

Hmmn ... the need for sex is never sated, people. Am I the only one dodging the 86-year-old guy in the tank top trolling the gay bars?

For that guy and his slightly younger counterparts, experience and mortality keep rearing their heads casting gi-normous shadows on the notion of a mature romantic love. Maybe you had relationships that required a lot of work and left you bored or fetal. Or perhaps -- like my aforementioned smart, sexy adviser -- you're desperately trying to get your dance card punched as many times as possible before the stroke of midnight, because you fear the prince isn't showing up tomorrow to wedge your gnarly old foot into the glass slipper.

And here's my point. Guys in their 20s and 30s don't think that way. They've had fewer relationships and disappointments, have more time for aspirations and generally believe that romantic love is going to happen for them. That can be tremendously appealing for a middle-aged guy who still wants romance but is hard-pressed to find someone his age who also believes.

When I was 33 I dated someone who was 24. I didn't think about our nine-year age difference at the time, but now I realize I was attracted to him because he was romantic and believed he was truly in love. His passionate dedication to this idea fortified my belief. It was a magical six months, except for his insistence that every other date night consist of chasing one another with laser guns through the local arcade. (I wish you well, Robert!)

So, yeah, I finally understand May-December relationships and realize I've been wrong about them. Or, as friends have told me on more than one occasion, I just think too much.