A great philosopher once said, "Friendship is love with wings."
Cicero, who lived Before Christ and just about everyone else, had a point. With wings of support, encouragement and advice from friends, we often feel empowered to soar in life, to be who we really are, achieve what we want.
Several centuries later the celebrated English poet Lord Byron described friendship as "love without his wings." OK, I get his point too.
When lusty love is fleeting or life spins out of control, a good friend can ground us with his acceptance, humor or command to "snap out of it."
For many gay men, the strongest source of friendship -- with or without wings -- is often a straight woman. Consider Will and Grace. Their friendship was the most enduring, rewarding relationship for both during the sitcom's run. And look at Elizabeth Taylor and Monty, Elizabeth and Rock, Elizabeth and Roddy ...
What is it about gay men and straight women that creates such a kinship? The bond has become so common in life and popular culture that women on reality TV shows are referring to their gay male friends as their "gay husbands."
To get the female perspective THE WILL DEAN SHOW asked flight attendant Veronica Ochoa to explore what makes her relationship with Anival Morales (her BFF) work and why it's such an important part of her life.
WDS: How did you meet your gay husband?
VERONICA: We were both flight attendants 20 years ago. The first time we met, I had bought these high heels that were excruciatingly tight. He wore them on our all-nighter flight, as to stretch them out for me. He's now a prominent colorist for Essentuals London in West Hollywood.
Tell me about the bond with Anival -- why you're close.
The bond we have is that we had that chemistry, you know, like straight couples have? Our Hispanic upbringing was one reason. 2. We enjoy dining and drinking, especially trying new exotic restaurants. 3. We are intrigued by different cultures and their customs. 4. Most important is that he has been there for me, during my divorce, and I was there for him after his 13-year relationship fell apart. I think this ultimately brought us together. Hurt is hurt, betrayal is betrayal. We clicked immediately and have been inseparable since.
How is your relationship with Anival different from that with a close girlfriend?
My relationship with Anival is different from my girlfriends because girlfriends will tell you what you want to hear even if it's wrong. Anival won't -- never has. He will tell it like it is, even if I don't like it. There is no jealousy involved unlike girls. There's never a level of competition. Even my kids have commented as to why I have more gay friends than straight friends.
What has your gay husband taught you about yourself that you'd forgotten or didn't know?
Anival has given me strength. He helped me find my identity after my divorce and made me realize that I have a lot to offer. He taught me to be strong and keep looking forward.
What's your favorite thing to do with Anival?
We enjoy a fabulous dinner with friends or see a movie. We hang out and talk about our kids. He has a beautiful 16-year-old daughter and I have a 12-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. We compare notes on raising our kids.
What's the most personal or intimate experience you've shared with him?
Honestly, I had to call Ani. After I read him the question he said, "We share everything; there are no secrets." Then we laughed about the first time we found ourselves skinnydipping with the crew on a layover. So I would say this is the first time he saw me naked! Would this qualify as intimate?
What's the one thing Anival says or does that makes you consider divorce?
Honestly, I never had thought about it. I know he loves me and I love him, and we can work it out no matter what. I just wish my marriage could have worked out as perfectly.
How has your relationship with Anival affected your expectations for what you look for in a partnership with a straight man?
I love this question ... my fave. The straight man I am looking for has to laugh at himself, not take himself seriously and understand my sense of humor. He has to understand that the majority of my friends are gay and I love them.
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| Friends Veronica Ochoa and Anival Morales bonded through divorce, spontaneous nudity and a photo shoot with an inanimate third party. |
Cicero, who lived Before Christ and just about everyone else, had a point. With wings of support, encouragement and advice from friends, we often feel empowered to soar in life, to be who we really are, achieve what we want.
Several centuries later the celebrated English poet Lord Byron described friendship as "love without his wings." OK, I get his point too.
When lusty love is fleeting or life spins out of control, a good friend can ground us with his acceptance, humor or command to "snap out of it."
For many gay men, the strongest source of friendship -- with or without wings -- is often a straight woman. Consider Will and Grace. Their friendship was the most enduring, rewarding relationship for both during the sitcom's run. And look at Elizabeth Taylor and Monty, Elizabeth and Rock, Elizabeth and Roddy ...
What is it about gay men and straight women that creates such a kinship? The bond has become so common in life and popular culture that women on reality TV shows are referring to their gay male friends as their "gay husbands."
To get the female perspective THE WILL DEAN SHOW asked flight attendant Veronica Ochoa to explore what makes her relationship with Anival Morales (her BFF) work and why it's such an important part of her life.
WDS: How did you meet your gay husband?
VERONICA: We were both flight attendants 20 years ago. The first time we met, I had bought these high heels that were excruciatingly tight. He wore them on our all-nighter flight, as to stretch them out for me. He's now a prominent colorist for Essentuals London in West Hollywood.
Tell me about the bond with Anival -- why you're close.
The bond we have is that we had that chemistry, you know, like straight couples have? Our Hispanic upbringing was one reason. 2. We enjoy dining and drinking, especially trying new exotic restaurants. 3. We are intrigued by different cultures and their customs. 4. Most important is that he has been there for me, during my divorce, and I was there for him after his 13-year relationship fell apart. I think this ultimately brought us together. Hurt is hurt, betrayal is betrayal. We clicked immediately and have been inseparable since.
How is your relationship with Anival different from that with a close girlfriend?
My relationship with Anival is different from my girlfriends because girlfriends will tell you what you want to hear even if it's wrong. Anival won't -- never has. He will tell it like it is, even if I don't like it. There is no jealousy involved unlike girls. There's never a level of competition. Even my kids have commented as to why I have more gay friends than straight friends.
What has your gay husband taught you about yourself that you'd forgotten or didn't know?
Anival has given me strength. He helped me find my identity after my divorce and made me realize that I have a lot to offer. He taught me to be strong and keep looking forward.
What's your favorite thing to do with Anival?
We enjoy a fabulous dinner with friends or see a movie. We hang out and talk about our kids. He has a beautiful 16-year-old daughter and I have a 12-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. We compare notes on raising our kids.
What's the most personal or intimate experience you've shared with him?
Honestly, I had to call Ani. After I read him the question he said, "We share everything; there are no secrets." Then we laughed about the first time we found ourselves skinnydipping with the crew on a layover. So I would say this is the first time he saw me naked! Would this qualify as intimate?
What's the one thing Anival says or does that makes you consider divorce?
Honestly, I never had thought about it. I know he loves me and I love him, and we can work it out no matter what. I just wish my marriage could have worked out as perfectly.
How has your relationship with Anival affected your expectations for what you look for in a partnership with a straight man?
I love this question ... my fave. The straight man I am looking for has to laugh at himself, not take himself seriously and understand my sense of humor. He has to understand that the majority of my friends are gay and I love them.
GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCES
Are you a gay man whose best friend is a straight woman, or vice versa? How's it working for you? Post a comment below.
There's no sexual tension or (real) interest underlying the conversation--no holding her in reserve 'just in case' I need a replacement BF at some future date.
ReplyDeleteWe can talk about issues and relationships without any risk or fear of reprisal. We can talk about men we wish we'd done--not a conversation to have with a BF or with a possible future love interest and especially (for a gay man) not with straight male friends.
I didn't see a place to respond to the blog in general, so I thought I'd just add a comment here. I spent some time reviewing past posts and could have commented on each one but I'll just subscribe and look forward to future interviews and perspectives. I love what you are doing here. It's refreshing, honest, intelligent and well written.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite so far is the piece about Sherman and his pursuit of something greater than himself. I had the privilege of meeting you both in person the other night and have to say that I sensed in you both something deeper and more at peace than the average man. Now I know why.
Whether or not a gay community exists or not, this blog is positive thing. I'll be reading faithfully.